Motherhood

It’s messy, stressful, hard, exhausting, overwhelming at times but still so, beautiful and rewarding.

There is nothing in this world that could ever truly prepare us for motherhood. From the moment I learned I was pregnant my world changed. It sounds dramatic, but I’m serious. I couldn’t just come home from work and have a glass of wine to relax. No more cold lunch meat sandwiches… the #7 at Jersey Mike’s warmed up just isn’t the same! No more calling in sick for a mental health day because I needed to save as much of my vacation/personal time I could for baby bonding. I had to start planning financially and looking for a new home with bigger space.  There were so many things to do to “prepare”.

I won’t share my whole birth stories here, but nothing can prepare you for that either! I’ll save that for another blog. The short version; contractions hurt like crazy, it was an emotional roller coaster and the desire to cave and get the epidural to ease the pain was extreme. Then, they were here. Both with no epidural as planned. Kasen’s birth story was a lot less dramatic than Kade’s but both were intense, for me. Each time, the moment I held them made all the pain, stress and tears well worth it!

As soon as we give birth, I think our mother instincts kick in. My paranoia got real. Google quickly became the most visited site on my web browser. I wasn’t much of a light sleeper before, but now, the slightest movement or noise from the kids will come, wake me up. That speaks for nights I actually do get sleep, which is even less now being a single mother. Deciding whether or not to vaccinate. Planning for their future. Public school vs. private school. All while living in the present and wondering if I’m doing it right.

There’s so much pressure on being a good mom. What is a “good” mom anyway? Who gets to decide? By society’s standards I’m probably average, at best. Some days I feel like I’m doing great and others I’m just trying to make it through. If I can get my kids fed, teeth brushed and off to bed without problems, I’m winning! Since they aren’t in daycare or school bath nights aren’t guaranteed. It is what it is.

I wasn’t always like that. I am so hard on myself when it comes to being a mom. It has gotten a lot better this second time around. I remind myself that God gave me these children because He trusts that I am capable of raising them. I may not always have it together but I give my kids the best of me, every single day. That may not always be much but I always try.

I believe God knew what He was doing when he made women the nurturers. Despite any self doubt, shortcomings, hardships or trials we face, we keep pushing through. I have good days and rough days. Really rough days, but it really is worth it. I wouldn’t trade being a mother for anything. It has challenged and stretched me in ways I probably wouldn’t have experienced otherwise; mentally, physically and emotionally. There were times when I would be sad and my oldest would randomly say something to turn it all around. All of the “you’re the best, you’re doing a great job and I love you mom” could never be replaced.

Bonus - I can enjoy my cold cuts again!

Sincerely,

Chanel